Gobar Times
Open Forum

Climate change

Climate change is a good thing. It will make US rich.

A tongue in cheek account of what the climate skeptics have to say:

Listen to us, for we are more active than the activists, more negotiable than the negotiators. We have our own set of facts and figures for everything. And we are the ones who bring real change in the society. Who convinced you that cars are a necessity, colas and burgers a staple, air conditioners part of our survival kit, and that shopping is therapeutic?

Yes, we have successfully transformed the face of the Earth and will continue to do so. We shall battle it out with all the naysayers, doomsday maniacs, and eccentric environmentalists.

After all it is a battle that we are fighting to protect this planet’s future. We have a gameplan for the future. We want to share it with you.

   Snow Job   

Arctic is a continent that sits like a pearl atop our planet. The reason why humans have not inhabited this land is the heavy,unaccessible ice cover and the carnivorous polar bear. Had it not been for global warming our generation, too, would have only just yearned at it from distance. But thankfully, the ice is melting and the polar bears are dying. This opens up new vistas of opportunity.

Our brethren in telecommunication sector, Kodiak-Kenai Cable Co, are beginning to lay underwater fibre optic cables between Tokyo and London via Arctic’s Northwest Passage. This will cut delay in communication from 140 milliseconds to 88 milliseconds. “Speed is the crux”, says the CEO of the company, Walt Ebell.

The abundant oil and gas reserves, too, are now ready to reach your car. Just a little bit of tussle going on here, but we at the Arctic summit will soon figure out how to share the resources among Canada, Russia, Norway, Denmark and the US, and, then export to the rest of the world. This way, we all benefit.

   Cheap Labour   

This is an asset which, till now, was only enjoyed by China and India. They are overpopulated, you see. Even conservative estimates state that there will be 150 million climate refugees by 2050, who will be migrating in distress. These people can now work for us. Thanks to sea level rise, entire islands like Tuvalu and Maldives will drown. And we will have ships full of workforce at our ports!

   Population Control   

Nature has a way of balancing out. You know that some of the rich nations are sparsely populated, while the developing countries are  burdened by people. The state governments and social groups have been trying hard to control this rapid growth. This burden of people over limited resources and infrastructure has been a cause of concern. But now climate change will play a constructive role in balancing the demographics of the planet. Because maximum deaths and diseases are predicted in these regions. They already record 150,000 deaths and five million illnesses annually, say a team of health and climate scientists at the World Health Organisation and the University of Wisconsin at Madison—and those numbers could double by 2030.

    Cropping Issue   

Dr M.S. Swaminathan, famous agricultural scientist from India once said “The future belongs to nations with grains and not guns”. Well, we always had the guns, and now will have crops too! Research indicates that longer warm spells will mean that we will have more harvest. The developing world, again, is not as lucky. A paper published in a science journal has reported that Southern Africa — Angola, Botswana, Lesotho, Malawi, Mozambique, Namibia, South Africa, Swaziland, Zambia and Zimbabwe — could lose about 30 percent of main crop of corn, also known as maize. For India, too, yields from rain-irrigated wheat could drop by 44 percent by 2050.

For every one degree Celsius rise in mean temperature, the wheat loss is estimated to be around six million tonnes per year. But then there
would not be as many mouths to feed. Remember the bit about population control ?!

So my friends, global warming is no apocalypse, as it is made out to be. Everything, as my experience tells me, is just a business opportunity.

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Climate change is a good thing